You Don’t Lead A Ministry, You Lead People
I’ve been in youth ministry both vocationally, as a volunteer, and then back to vocationally for over 12 years. Youth ministry now, not the same as 10 years ago, or even 5 years ago. I want to take you back to three years ago, when a student in our ministry attended her first event at our church—a big fall event to start the year. She walked in and we immediately smelled the alcohol. She was wasted.
We’ll say her name is Julie.
We knew she was drunk because our safety director that night saw her throw an empty bottle of vodka into the trash can and watched her fumble into the auditorium. We didn’t know her—we didn’t know her name, where she lived, what she’d been through that night—we knew nothing other than for some reason on a Saturday night, she decided to show up to a church. Drunk or not, she was there.
So, we decided to invite her back to a group. We let her know that we wanted her to be safe, secured that she had a ride home and connected with her parents, but throughout that entire interaction one thing needed to be true: she needed to know above and beyond anything else that she was known and loved by us, and we would pursue a relationship with her.
She showed up the next night to groups. And her group leaders, Jenny and Sarah, were there to welcome her with open arms.
Flash forward—three years later. Julie helps lead worship during weekend services at her campuses. She’s a connector every Sunday night—she’s someone who helps students who are new connect to other students and help them feel welcome and at home. She’s grown so much in the last three years, and sometimes when I think about her, I could almost cry because she embodies so much of our youth ministry’s story—when we switched from being all about the program to being more about connection and discipleship, students stuck.
What I want to encourage you with today is that your investment in students’ lives isn’t just about numbers and strategies. You have the potential to shape a person’s eternity. There will be stories over dinner tables one day of an adult sharing your name when they’re asked, “who do you look up to?” “who meant a lot to you as a kid?” “what adults shaped your life when you were a teenager?”
So how? How do we do that? First, I just want to emphasize: lead more than just a ministry; lead people.
The most important part about leading people? Knowing them.
The good people over at Orange have been wrestling with the question—what does every teenager need at least one adult in their lives to know? Virginia Ward, Reggie Joiner, and Kristen Ivy identified these five questions every young person wonders about any adult who cares about them.
Do you know my name? This makes me feel noticed, memorable, and honored.
Do you know what matters to me? This communicates my unique worth.
Do you know where I live? This makes me feel understood and accepted.
Do you know what I’ve done? This lets me know I’m loved despite my mistakes.
Do you know what I can do? This reminds me I am significant and have potential.
I want to encourage you—in your next conversation with a young person or with someone on your team, imagine these questions hiding behind the eyes looking back. The more you understand them, the deeper your influence on a younger person in front of you.
See at the end of the day, try as we might to hold the best event, the most amazing week of camp, if students do not know they are known and they can contribute to the mission in meaningful ways, they’ll likely walk right out the doors. Maybe not today, and maybe not next year, but when they’re 18. They don’t want to be entertained. They want to participate.
And if we don’t create environments and relationships in which young people can be heard and seen, we may be wasting our time, missing true conversation, connection, and lasting change.
