Warm Is The New Cool
A few weeks ago, the internet/TikTok world erupted with an intense, generational battle: side part or middle part? Skinny or bootcut jeans? Laugh-cry or skull emoji? While seemingly unimportant ideology to part ways over, millennial and GenXers came out swinging with resistance to our GenZ friends telling us we need to throw out the skinny jeans and rock the straight-leg and part our hair down the middle again. I personally think it was more of a realization for some that we are simply not cool anymore (if we ever were).
As someone who has worked with teenagers for a long time, I know this to be true: they don’t actually care what adults do with their hair or what jeans they wear, or if we send a laugh-cry emoji when we think something’s funny or if we type our text messages in full sentences. It’s true that they don’t think we’re cool, but honestly—that was not a battle that was going to be won, period(t). No longer being cool comes with the territory of adulthood.
They don’t need us to be cool to trust us. They need us to take them seriously and to actually care.
When we’re onboarding new leaders in youth ministry, we often get a deer-in-the-headlights-look that says, “I’m a little afraid of teenagers.” And, truth be told, most adults are afraid of teenagers because we wereteenagers—we all have a little trauma we’re still shaking off from our adolescent years. And we consistently say to new leaders: no matter how mean or stand-offish they are to you, they need you to care and they need to be taken seriously.
We emphasized this again with our leaders when Covid hit: no matter what kinds of things we’re experiencing right now, not minimizing the experience of teenagers is crucial to maintaining trust with them. While they’re not concerned about a mortgage payment or being fired from their jobs, they are concerned about losing friendships or a relationship, their parent’s jobs and marriages, falling behind in school, being alone at home, and so many more.
On the other side of that is how truly powerful they are. In the words of my friend Keri Ladouceur, “The last thing I want to do is set off a generation who punked our former president using TikTok and singlehandedly exposed gaps for the underdog in hedge fund investing. They have high ownership, they’re gritty, smart, values-driven, and ready.” It’s true. This generation is not here to play games. And that’s why, more than ever, we need to show up for them, to learn from them, and to point them toward Jesus’ way and using their gifts for the advancement of God’s Kingdom.
I love how Kara Powell says it: Warm is the new cool. In your own life, who would you say you learned the most from? Those who have the most eloquent words or someone who really cares about you? Connection fuels relationship, and teenagers listen to people who care about them and take their concerns seriously.
So next time you’re in a conversation with a teen—one you parent, one you’re related to, one you’re leading or teaching, remember this: take them seriously. You do not have to redo your wardrobe or pretend to be someone you’re not. Because in the end, they will remember that you cared about them and that you didn’t minimize their feelings, experiences, struggles, or potential.
